I've not forgotten

But I've been too busy and had too little access to internet to write. In the last year we've travelled and I've had a baby! I'm a bit sad, though, that I don't get time to write about what we do. I often think about it, but with little to no internet, it's not really an option.

So this year we travelled. Seb learned a lot about the different ecosystems. We travel slow, spending up to 3 weeks in one place and visiting spots more then once. The repetition is great and I can see how much he's learning. He likes to find an audience and repeats what I've told him! It's too cute.
When we drive, we talk. I tell him about the environment we see and the human interaction. He likes to talk about powerlines and has his own powerline song. It goes like this: powerline poooooooowerline powerliiiiiiiine etc. He makes me laugh. Of course, I have to sing it with him! It's a great sound game.

I've stocked up on materials. I had a bit of a splurge after some difficult news. woops. It's good though! It's good to have the real thing set out. Funnily enough, it improves Sebs behaviour! He's much calmer when the environment is prepared. He enjoys doing the metal insets and since I've got the moveable alphabet he's interested in letters. We do the other materials together. A favorite is using bottles with food colouring and droppers to drop dye on some kitchenpaper. He just experiements with colours now.

My little girl, she's 10 weeks now. She's just waking up. She sleeps a lot. I'm very curious to see how she will go and how things will go with two kids. She's a delight and very easy to look after.

I'm sorry, I don't have photos this time. Like I said, I'm very restricted with technology. Hopefully I get to pick up this blog properly, but you'll have to be patient.

busy time of year

And I don't even celebrate commercialism Christmas. I don't have to think about family feuds  parties. I haven't wrapped one present.

Taking it all in.

It's busy cause we're moving. Not just house, which is crazy enough, I'm moving into a caravan. Lots of reasons. I've traveled around the country twice now and around nz one and a half times. I've always wanted to do it with kids. And now I got the freedom divorce has granted me, there's nothing stopping me. It's an overwhelming journey to get there, though. Steep learning curve as I discover the joys of electronic breaking systems and tare weight.

Letting go of stuff. Not just the carefully compiled star dust, but the emotions attached to it. The stuff exists in my house because they trigger memories. Nice thoughts. I'm surprised to discover they also trigger bad memories, negative reactions and old patterns. Once the ties are cut, there's just star dust left and it's easy to let go. It's a huge job though!

And while I'm growing this new journey, I'm growing a new child. I'm very excited that after one year minus one day of planning, I tested positive on a pregnancy test. Feeling eternally blessed with an easy ride so far! I'm excited to learn about infant montessori practise.

So that explains my absence in posting, but our montessori journey hasn't stopped. It never does. It can't. We're still busy matching all the things.
I've packed up our shelves, though. There's just the native animal collection left. The rest is in boxes and will come with us. I've decided I rather not take the fridge if it means I can bring the pink tower. I'm very curious to see how it will work out. It's quite an untraveled path. So I'm keen to share for others.

I've finished reading montessori method. Why I didn't do a review for each chapter I don't know. It's so rich! I won't be able to summarise it in one post.  And I had to return the book two days before I finished reading it (which I didn't, I finished the book) so I didn't get to make notes. Very interesting chapter on food I'm keen to share. It's not something I've read elsewhere.

Practising montessori had helped us through some tough times (I've also had bronchitis). It's helped me focus on providing beauty. Choosing to only keep beautiful stuff is easier than keeping stuff cause it's worth something. Keeping the living room as calm as possible. Ensuring ds gets the opportunity to explore. I've done a lot of observing him and it's mind blowing. He's becoming more and more conscious and determined in what he needs. I do my best to provide, but it's easier when I let him go and find what he needs himself in a prepared environment (like the zoo, parks, botanical gardens or museum, can't say my house is prepared much). I also involve him in all our new journeys. I talk to him and explain what's going on. I'm talking to the adult he's going to become, teaching him decision making, care for others, dealing with change etc.

That's enough rambling from me. 😊 things will settle soon enough and I'll be back to posting more regularly. I also need to make sure my child wears clothes so I can include pictures.

Happy solstice!

he's just not ready yet

Practical life skills: going out for a cuppa. 

Ds turns 3 in a few weeks. While he sleeps through breakfast, I was reflecting on what we're doing. Or not doing, to be more accurate. He just shows such limited interest in the materials. He does them a bit when they're new, but doesn't show that obsessive impulsive interest in the way he does with his cars and animals.

I've decided it's fine to wait. To follow the child, even if he's not moving the way you expected. I see these other children starting at 2.5 and good on them! Mine just isn't. And I don't want to pressure him.


He is learning a lot, of course. Still matching all the things. Learning more and more self care and becoming more determined in that. I don't think he'd care whether his socks are on our not. He's so like me! Naked is the way of life, unless it's cold.
I can see his car games developing more. He's into bridges at the moment. Going under and over bridges fills him with such delight. Same with going up and down ramps. So yesterday in the play ground, we spend a good half hour running over bridges and up and down ramps. He ignores the play ground altogether. He just runs and runs and runs.

Stamping animals

I'm trying to focus on practical life. But at the moment, it's hard. We're moving into a caravan and I'm selling all the things and it's a huge job. I don't have time nor energy to do the dishes, let alone do the dishes together. My focus is all on this great move.
Interestingly, I started to notice ds screaming for attention and misbehaving. It just made life harder and I tried my best to be strict, even considering a naughty chair. I found the negativity just made things worst, so decided to go against the grain and actually just give him more attention. Listen andflow thechild, he's wiser than you. We've had a few baths together, I've run with him on the play ground, I've played with his cars and involved myself in his life. Works much better, he's my little angel again. It's hard work, though. I do it all on my own.

Dutch tradition. He loved it but felt a bit intimidated sitting on his lap. 

We celebrated sinterklaas on the weekend. I felt a bit conflicted by letting him believe in this fantasy, but I couldn't not do it. It's too much fun. I've tried to keep it as realistic as possible. We went to the Belgium club for the celebration and did presents at home. His dad bought them for us so I couldn't not do this. He loved the stamps, he loved the zebra that matches with the big zebra! He hasn't touched the Maya the bee figurines, they're not real. He knows they're a bee, but didn't think of matching them to his animals.

Thus we're plodding along.

matching games

Ds started a sensitive period for matching all the things all the time. It's amazing. I mentioned in a previous post I didn't really believe in matching games, they look so boring. I'm glad I gave it a try.

He found these tiles and put them like this before I even noticed. 

Here's what we do.


Matching 3d to 3d. 
I've got the mystery bag of shapes. He likes working with it but doesn't quite get the bag thing yet. But he likes to sort the shapes together. He also sorts his animals to match.

Matching of dinosaurs to a copy.
After a while I'll get him to trace to an outline,
following a similar pattern as with the geometric cabinet. 

Matching 3d to 2d.
I quite literally stuck his plastic animals under the photo copy machine. About 9 to 12 per sheet of animals in the same category. So I've got insects, fish, aquatic banale, etc. It's easy for him, but he does it again and again.
he also, spontaneously, started matching his plastic animals to pictures in books.

He's discovering his new animals here. I got a small version for midday of them. 

Matching size
Big cow goes with little cow, big fish with little fish, etc. I'm trying to teach him that all the big animals go on one side and the little on the other but he prefers to put them right next to each other or even on top of each other!
It's a fun game that we play together. He begs me to join in.
I think he's ready for understanding the pink tower too, now. I need to reintroduce it to him. The other day he begged for the knobless cylinders (which he's not supposed to have yet, but he likes things differently) and build a tower on size. He was nearly prefect!

Matching colour
I may have made a slight suggestion, but really, this game came up spontaneously. He's matching his cars to colour and making piles for each. Sometimes I'll sit with him and we make a rainbow, but he doesn't really get that yet.
He also matches things to the colour box we got and to anything, really.

Matching cars to colour.
When he's done he runs over and proudly shows me! 

Matching to real things
This is really cute. When we do the weather chart in the morning, he insists on going outside and holding the felt sun or cloud against the sky. He asks himself "do these match? " I laugh so much when he does this, again, his spontaneous idea.

Our felt weather station. It's so much fun to help him observe the weather.
I'm keen to add the moon phases, just haven't gotten around to it yet. 

These are great games for cementing the language into his little brain. It also helps him get a string sense of size and colours. I'm amazed at his keenness.  It's something I read about frequently in the books I'm reading. This spontaneous, effortless activity that looks like magic.

matching shelves

My current shelves are all about matching. Big to baby (his term), objects to pictures, smells, weight, colour, anything

His favourite game is matching his plastic animals to a copy. I just stuck the animals under the photo copier! So easy.  He also likes to sit with me and match big to little animals. He's so cute, he holds two objects together and asks in the highest voice he can manage "this same? " then answers "nooooooo" copying my voice. He gets very excited when they do match. I wonder if he tries the others because it's hard or because it's part of the game. I think the last one.

Before I made this activity, I had some serious doubt. It seemed stupid to me. It looked too much like using flash cards, which seem very un-montessori. I've read a bit and asked people about it and heard it helps language development. Now, I thought language development was all about learning new words and names, but it's not. This activity is more about cementing in those names and forming a stronger picture of it. It's also about linking 3 d objects to 2d pictures and later on I'll use lines. Maria montessori mostly did this exercise using the geometric cabinet with its many shapes.
I was very surprised that Seb did not find it boring. Quite the contrary, he's doing this every day for 3 weeks now!

Matching dinosaurs to a copy

I made 5 prints to match. Dinosaur, aquatic animals, sharks vs whales, wild animals and insects. I tried to make one of farm animals, but that's when my printer died.

Next I've got sensory matching. My colour box 4, which I'm considering to turn into a proper one. He's so good at it but lacks concentration to complete it.
I've bought the mystery bag with shapes and we work with that. This stimulates stereognostic senses, or being able to see with your fingers.

I also got the Baric tablets and smell bottles. He's clearly not ready for these! The Baric tablets first nearly got unwrapped! Then they got build into a tower and then, of course, a road. The smells bottles were nice for opening and closing and he liked the smells but didn't get the concept of matching them. He's only 2.11, so still very young for these activities. 

I got a basket for sock matching, which I still haven't properly introduced. He does like matching socks and hanging them on my washing line. Now he's toilet trained, though, I don't have washing very often anymore. I really need to make time to show him this activity. 

life happens

Is actually Thursday, but life is a bit sunnier than it was on Tuesday. 

It's about time I write another post! So much for my aim to write twice a week. Life had been crazy, both in a fun and a not fun way. It's distracted me not just from blog writing, the house is chaos and I've not paid much attention to Seb's education. Hopefully things are settling now, but I wanted to reflect on how to montessori your way through stress. It's not like you can always prevent it! Life happens.

I wish I could say I managed my stress perfectly this time, but I didn't. I excluded Seb out of the kitchen again, I just didn't have the energy to let him do my dishes. I've not really kept his shelves nicely. And I succumbed to retail therapy several times! At least that's not a complete evil. I bought animal puzzles, extended my plastic animal collection and bought the beads I'd need to diy the math curriculum up to age 6.

This was before retail therapy! 

However, while I failed on many points, there have been valuable lessons for me and Seb. And I'd like to share them too.

1. Learning takes practise and we can't be perfect all the time.
In fact, holding yourself to some high prefect standard may very well set a bad example. Is good for kids to see mum makes mistakes too. And every time you make one, you can take the opportunity to teach, explain, model, how to get through it.
So me and seb have done a whole lot of talking about life. In child language, of course, he doesn't need to know the source of the stress, teaching doesn't involve traumatizing your child! But throughout it all, I prioritised staying connected to him, I've given up a lot to make sure he can still grow and develop. this means the house is a mess, but we did get lots of one on one time.
I've also explained to him that is hard to do it all myself and that he needs to help in certain ways. I'll give you an example to explain.

He even stood still long enough to make a photo. Sort off.

We went to the museum. Usually he runs wild, lives it and within a couple of hours security knows we're there. He's a good kid, so I don't particularly worry about him. Just other people. This can be tiring for me, so we say down and I explained that and why he needs to stay close.
He's not run off since.
same with bed time, nap time, diner time. He's been much more responsible and cooperative since we had a few talks.

2. It can be much worst.
I've been reading montessori method. Awesome book! She decides how she started up the first casa and what the situation was like in those awful slums. 5 families sharing a house, rooms shared with prostitutes,  murdered women in the street. Most of the children who started in her class were left at home all day while mum went to work! 8 to 10 hours of no adult supervision! No food. Nobody to care for them. Two year olds! Those are the kids she normalised in her casa. While I'm sure I can do way better, I feel assured that if you can fix those problems through montessori education, I sure as anything can fix my mistakes.

Need I say more! I feel no shame, this is just what happens. I'll get there again, one day. 

3. It passes
Two weeks of intense stress, and it's just lifted like the fog lifts in the noon. These stresses are outside my control and most people would struggle. And if I keep working towards my goal, keep trying, jump back onto the band wagon every morning, every minute, every moment, then it will settle again. I've got a fridge magnet that states "success is getting up once more oftener than falling down". I only count the successes, I only list the number off times I got up. That way I feel happy and relaxed quicker. Every second of every day you can decide to move on and get up. Of course, you may fall down again a second later, but then you can get up again when you're ready.
So while I didn't do the dishes yesterday, I can do them now. Or now. Or now. Or after I finish this post! No harm done, no need to feel shame. Also no harm if you prioritise connecting with your child or resting first. It's not like the dishes will run off. If only! I wish they'd run off!



4. Stress is energy intensive.  You need to rest. That's why things go out of control. It's normal, rest is important. Do it. Easy as well as you can manage and prioritise healthy food, but increase fat and sugar so your brain can use it to settle. I don't mean eat ice cream, there are plenty of high energy food that is not loaded with chemicals.
Lots of sleep, camomile tea and endless cuddles, tickle fights and foot massages. Stress costs energy, and these things help the brain to bring order again, this reducing the cost.

Yum! 

5. Stick to montessori!
Having such a prefect aim, helped me to keep going. A lot. I know what to do and I got support through the various Facebook groups. The aim to create calm and beauty and to follow my child, it's helped enormously to prioritise and make choices.

It's nearly 8 am. Seb is still sleeping! I'm going to finish this post and write a few more.

chasms and sacrifice

In high school, I studied ancient Greek. Don't ask why. I'm not a language person. We all did exams in Herodotus and translated much of his work. He's a politician and a great story teller. The following is one of his stories, freely translated by me.

Lacus curtium monument. Pic from here

The chasm in the center square. 
Once upon a time in a town in the heart of Greece, I can't quite remember why, but for some reason a  great chasm had appeared in the center square. I think there must have been a fight or disagreement that angered the gods. These stories often involved ticked off gods. People didn't know what to do about this chasm, but ssomethinghad to be done add it was severely disrupting daily life. So they did what all ancient Greek would do, they went to Delphi and asked the Oracle. The Oracle said "fill the hole with the most precious thing you own." The Oracle being the Oracle, never gave straight forward advise, but was always right.
So the people of this town tried to fill the hole with all the gold and silver they had. They threw in their precious clothes and jewels. They threw in every thing they could think of. Nothing happened. The chasm was still there, as bottomless as ever.
Then, one day, a knight, or soldier, or prince or whatever you call the important greek people who do everything, hopped onto his horse and drove it into the Chasm. I imagine he was inspired by one of the gods. Athena perhaps, she was wise and reasonable. The chasm closed, swallowing up the horse but not the guy.
The moral of the story was that there is nothing more precious than your horse own life. But giving your life won't kill you. Just your horse. I remember that this horse was very precious to the owner. So it was still a big sacrifice.

Sacrifice of life for the better. Pic from here

Our own chasms. 
I was talking to a friend about life and montessori and thought of this story, which is why I share it here. Because we all have these chasms somewhere in our heart. And most often we don't know why. Herodotus knew in his story, but I've forgotten. It's usually something silly anyway, something that ticked off your morals and values. And we try to fill these broken hearts with gold and silver, otherwise known as shallow wants and addiction. We try to fill them up with various drugs. Coffee, beer, cheap food, take away, television, Facebook, you get the idea. Retail therapy, spending money on cheap stuff that breaks easily, quantity rather than quality. Ugly people, ugly feelings such add hatred and jealousy.
And we all know it, but we all do it. Because the only way to fill the chasm is by giving your life, your passion, your fire. And that takes courage. It requires you to sacrifice your horse ego. It could kill or hurt you, but it's the only way. And your inner wisdom (Athena) knows it. Some oracle, otherwise known as random person on your Facebook page, or teacher, will tell you. Actually, i think we're told very often what it is that we need to do, but just like these greek people didn't get it, we don't always get it either. And it's hard. We all love our horse, it's precious, we depend on it. Or ego works for us and makes us feel important.

How Montessori relates to this. 
So. Back to montessori. She talks about the child's psychic needs. She says, or at least suggests, that if we don't look after the child's mental well being, they become sick and misbehave (she says in several books that misbehaving children are to be doted on as if they are ill). Naturally, children don't misbehave. They like to cooperate, clean, learn and work.
And this is where the chasms come from. Unfulfilled needs. Interrupted concentration. Stress and trauma. Broken promises, broken trust. They break the child's heart slightly. It results in little chasms. And these lead to craving. Craving attention, craving food, craving love, craving work. A normalised child doesn't have these cravings. They are whole.

How to keep your child whole
Maria montessori says to follow your child. His interests and passion. We need to prepare the environments so our little masters can develop themselves without interruption. But I also think we as adults need to follow our interest and passion. We need to model that we love our work, regardless of what that work is (I mean to include chores, love them the way your child loves them, as they are a way to beautify your environment). I think we also need  fill our environment with real beauty, real food, real people, real things. I'm sure you know the difference.
We also need to learn as much as possible about the child's development and we can do this easily by studying the child.  This is what Maria Montessori did. She studied and observed the children. She removed the teachers and replaced them with scientists, directresses.


Besides preparing the environment, we need to be kind to our children and see them for being the man and woman they are creating. We need to reduce their stress as much as possible. Not by giving them gold and silver (useless toys), but by giving them our life and passion. When the child sees this, sees that he's kept in your heart and that you give your life for him (or her, obviously, but i have a son so think in hims and hes), then he'll learn to do the same. When the child feels safe and secure, confident and free, he can sacrifice his horse and live passionately. He can then heal his own heart, which is sure to get broken at times.




Ps. Of course I got touched by this story and had to satisfy my mind and find out what it was exactly. Plus I wanted to find nice pictures to add to my blog. From what I can find it was the story of Anchurus, son of Midas. The famous Midas who turned everything he touched into gold, which is also related to the above story. It seems to have been written by Plutarch, although that's not what my memory says. The Romans got a version too, but agree it's a mix up with the Greek sorry.  I really couldn't find any satisfactory information or reliable source. The story published on the Web is short and doesn't include gods, which I find strange. Anyway, doesn't substract from my blog post, I think. However, if you know more, do share!